I still hate myself, although I'm trying to change See the hope in everything but still I can't seem to chase This fucking feeling away, there are memories that stop me All my self worth tied up, in this music that makes me Give me a sense of identity, a place to belong Give me a worth tied to nothing, but these sounds in my songs I am rapping for no one, but these demons in my mind I will live for validation, 'til it's time to say goodbye When the song is all said and done By the time my chapter closes By the time everyone's already moved on I'll still hate myself I'll still hate myself I still hate myself All the time, preaching like I've seen the light In a place where darkness only swallows hope, I cannot see Any reason given at ALL why they would look up to me ...Why would you look up to me Why would you look up to me When the song is all said and done By the time my chapter closes By the time everyone's already moved on I'll still hate myself I'll still hate myself I still hate myself There is love here I know it, although I can't seem to reach The things I want to be, to know what I misunderstood Become a better me, become what I know I should In the depths of this depression, keep in hope as I stood Crabs in buckets crawling, their pinchers bringing me down There's no hope for me here, unless I wear my own crown Take initiative, live if only for yourself When the time comes to rise, will I fight for my life I know that I can love, I just can't love myself All this hate that surrounds me, shadows cast on my mind When I have nowhere to run, I can only fight I can only fight But When the song is all said and done By the time my chapter closes By the time everyone's already moved on I'll still hate myself I'll still hate myself I still hate myself

Tell my brain to shut the fuck up, produce some serotonin Life is soup and I'm a fucking fork Hey I'm depressed, can you tell? I'll sabotage myself Before I even get a way out, there's no escaping now I've tried everything, but apparently I'm useless So I will find another way to get my kicks Doing something I'll regret I don't wanna be a downer, a frowner, but thats just who I am A high functioning piece of shit I will believe what the fuck my brain will say to me 'Cause I am off my meds and I'm feeling like a psychopath Panic attack, attack my synpases and neurons Make me feel like I am worthless, and the only way out's goodbye Maybe I'm crazy and I'll pop off like a mentos cola So watch me when I explode, watch me, watch me burn! Hey I'm depressed, can you tell? I'll sabotage myself Before I even get a way out, there's no escaping now I've tried everything, but apparently I'm useless So I will find another way to get my kicks Doing something I'll regret And I'm scared that I might be like this forever But the only way out that I know, is through the tunnel of death Let me be mad, what did I do to deserve this From a shitty childhood to the trauma, I could never heal Is there a light at the end? I can only hope If I can learn to trust again, only I would know There's no life after death, there is no life where I am me I don't get a second chance where I am fucking happy I am tired but I walk, I am hopeless but I live If hope exists then I am making my way to the top This godforsaken mountain, among the bodies of the damned Walk the path of the forsaken, still I fucking stand Hey I'm depressed, can you tell? I'll sabotage myself Before I even get a way out, there's no escaping now I've tried everything, but apparently I'm useless So I will find another way to get my kicks Doing something I'll regret Doing something I'll regret Doing something I'll regret Doing something - Another day another toil, save me from this mortal coil Take my meds and start the day, depression isn't far away Tell my brain to shut up, produce some serotonin Life is soup and I'm a fork

I'm scared I think I'm gonna have I think I'm gonna have I think I'm gonna have A fucking panic attack All the voices in my head, overwhelm me till I'm dead My voice is steady but my brain is glitching out of my head I have to breathe in, I have to breathe and live But I'm so scared of the memories that I have to relive Breathe Breathe Breathe Breathe! I think I'm gonna have A fucking panic attack I feel like melting down, I feel like breaking the sound All these violent tendencies, directed at me Was it past tense that it happened? will it happen again? My mind is fucked up on the thought that I cannot escape What if it never ends What if it happens again My body starts to shake My nightmares jolt me awake I'm scared I'm scared! All the voices in my head, overwhelm me till I'm dead My voice is steady but my brain is glitching out of my head I have to breathe in, I have to breathe and live But I'm so scared of the memories that I have to relive Breathe Breathe Breathe Breathe! I think I'm gonna have A fucking panic attack Nightmares and fantasies, heaven and hell in my mind Let the piano play a song that I can never remember I know I chose to live, however long it will take me I faced the violence and looked at my death in its eyes All the voices in my head, overwhelm me till I'm dead My voice is steady but my brain is glitching out of my head I have to breathe in, I have to breathe and live But I'm so scared of the memories that I have to relive Breathe Breathe Breathe Breathe! I think I'm gonna have A fucking panic attack I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I think I'm gonna have A fucking panic attack

There are demons in masks, ghosts that haunt my dreams My sanity is in pieces as they break my seams There are demons in masks, ghosts that haunt my head I wanted peace but when I woke up they chose violence instead There's a dog on the floor, and when she opens her maw I never know if its her blood that spills from open jaws There's a horror in silence, terror when those voices speak And when I look at the ground, my mangled body's all I see "Hurt yourself" they will tell me, "There is nothing left to lose" And when I open these eyes, pain still obscures my view Don't forget your demons Don't forget your ghosts In a world where we are damned to live They are all that keep you tethered to yourself And when the sun sets the demons arise There's only so much you can do Kill time but know that the ghosts have arrived Linger on a past that will kill you All these dreams and all these fears, they mingle on All the nightmares, all the tears, they keep me here When the sun retreats, the horizon I see is only bleak There's only me, only me and my demons left to feed On this miserable vessel, that I know as myself Prepare the meat, through the fires of hell There was an angel but I shot him, when I heard his yell for help I never wanted to lie, I never wanted you to die But with these voices in my head, it feels I've got nothing left Hurt others, hurt yourself, outcomes never change In my pain and confusion, I forced aggression on myself Don't forget your demons Don't forget your ghosts In a world where we are damned to live They are all that keep you tethered to yourself And when the sun sets the demons arise There's only so much you can do Kill time but know that the ghosts have arrived Linger on a past that will kill you Linger on a past that will kill you Linger on a past that will make you How many times will I make myself bleed In this everlasting darkness I will make myself see There is a light, a shining star, illuminates my path And as I walk I begin to think, the pain that I've come to pass I will deal with guilt for the rest of my life I will deal with pain, for as long as it takes Before I meet my maker, I will swear on my life That I won't let these demons, get the best of me Sing a song of hope, but don't forget your demons It's the pain that makes you human, though you won't admit There's a life in the ashes, where the phoenix lays There is hope in its fire, and the dust that remains Don't forget your demons Don't forget your ghosts In a world where we are damned to live They are all that keep you tethered to yourself And when the sun sets the demons arise There's only so much you can do Kill time but know that the ghosts have arrived Linger on a past that will kill you And there are demons in masks, ghosts that haunt my dreams My sanity is in pieces as they break my seams But here I stand in the fire, where they try to break me I have never given up, and they can never change me

Dreams die, I know cause I have killed mine and I am Still tryna find a way out, make something new of this life And I've been patiently waiting for change to come and save me But I can't keep holding back, I cannot stay here and rot There is a life beyond these walls, beyond this bed and I am Waking up, getting up, and walking out I just wanna stay alive now, this life will drag me down but Time keeps going on, it keeps going This place still suffocates me, I will not stay here waiting I will move on, with or without you Dreams die, I tried, and that's alright! In the shadows of my heart you lit the spark that helps me Stay alive, try to fight, I will not die! My redemption starts now, I will be stronger than I was To the dreams that I've killed, I will not hold you to my side Be it heaven or hell, I am still keeping my stride This world is full of questions, and it might hold no answers But I know I've gotta try, and make the best of what I've got And I see you there, waiting just like me I will not hold you back, but I will not be like you There is a time and a place, when you can only give up But I refuse that predicament while I still live I just wanna stay alive now, this life will drag me down but Time keeps going on, it keeps going This place still suffocates me, I will not stay here waiting I will move on, with or without you Dreams die, I tried, and that's alright! In the shadows of my heart you lit the spark that helps me Stay alive, try to fight, I will not die! My redemption starts now, I will be stronger than I was My dreams are dead, but I am still alive My dreams are dead, but I will still fight I will not wait around for dead dreams, or miracles I will not wait around with people who refuse to change While my heart's still beating, I will still change and grow While I live on this earth, there's nothing holding me back I shed my fears for a reason, there's nothing left for me Dreams may die but in it's place there are the dreams that are born So stop me, I dare you, I've been through worse Countless times I've beat the odds, and I'm still standing And if I fall again, I will get back up While I live there is a chance that I can still change my fate Cause if I die by my own hand, I've chosen it But if I live to tell the tale, I will still not wait To the dreams that I've killed, I will not look back in longing But I will see that the future is the future I want I just wanna stay alive now, this life will drag me down but Time keeps going on, it keeps going This place still suffocates me, I will not stay here waiting I will move on, with or without you Dreams die, I tried, and that's alright! In the shadows of my heart you lit the spark that helps me Stay alive, try to fight, I will not die! My redemption starts now, I will be stronger than I was

To the people I loved, to the people who cared Did I change anything? Did I matter at all In the grand scheme of things, I'm insignificant I never mattered at all, I know I never mattered But when the day turns to dusk, and I think back on my choices There is a side of me that wishes that I had an impact All these songs that I've sung, all these words that I meant All this preaching to nobody but recordings on the screen There are the people I care about, some I wish cared for me All I wanted in life, was to have an effect I never wanted control, I never wanted to change them All I wanted in life, was to give them hope And when I think in the night, I never mattered at all Everyone that I've met, I know I've wanted to protect But I cannot fight, what is not my own life All the people I've met, have left their imprints on me If there's a message I want to leave, in a song called life It's a message of hope, don't you ever give up Although I know that I'm weak, although I know that I'm broken I will fight my own demons, I will never give up There was a person I once loved, who taught me to care There were the people who raised me, but they were never there There are the people I call my friends, my family There are the people I love, there are the people who care Sometimes I don't deserve them, sometimes I push them away But the people who are there for me, they still remain And it's for them that I continue, singing stupid little songs It's for them that I am living, although I'd never admit And when I think in the night, I never mattered at all Everyone that I've met, I know I've wanted to protect But I cannot fight, what is not my own life All the people I've met, have left their imprints on me If there's a message I want to leave, in a song called life It's a message of hope, don't you ever give up Although I know that I'm weak, although I know that I'm broken I will fight my own demons, I will never give up Although I never mattered, a part of me cannot give up And I remain here waiting, for the sun to come out Although I never mattered, I'll write this message for you I will always love your memory, and hope that you will, too I know I never mattered, I know I never mattered But when the sun comes in the morning I will still remain I know I never mattered, I know I'll never matter But if you ever come back, I will be the same And when I think in the night, I never mattered at all Everyone that I've met, I know I've wanted to protect But I cannot fight, what is not my own life All the people I've met, have left their imprints on me If there's a message I want to leave, in a song called life It's a message of hope, don't you ever give up Although I know that I'm weak, although I know that I'm broken I will fight my own demons, I will never give up To the people I loved, to the people who cared Did I change anything? Did I matter at all In the grand scheme of things, I'm insignificant But I will stay the same, I will still remain

Wrecked pasts, all the trauma built up in my mind Suppresses clarity that should have been the best of me but As the days trudge on I feel like losing my sanity There's a voice in my head, and it goes like this "Choose violence, that is your agenda today" I hear it whisper in the worst parts of my subconscious mind If I'm to pick up a weapon, if I'm to see an omen All these noises will project that I am losing myself Paranoia strike me down, all that's left of me If I'm to lose my mind, I will never be free I don't wanna be there, I know that they can see me When the clock turns to 3, I don't want them to see Today I woke up and chose my taste of pain Whether the barcode scars or acidic taste of drinking the rain All the bruises that I hide, either through clothes or through pride Don't forget me if I die, if I die tonight Make the volume louder, I don't think I need to hear All these voices in my head that tell me I am near To the pain that I crave, and the suffering I've caused Tell the devil that I'm tired of him laughing at my loss There's an angel inside, he wants retribution For a god complex that spiraled out and into confusion And the voices just whisper, hindering any escape I'll close my eyes and regret that I chose violence today I chose violence today I chose violence today! Today I woke up and chose my taste of pain Whether the barcode scars or acidic taste of drinking the rain All the bruises that I hide, either through clothes or through pride So don't forget me if I die, if I die tonight If I die tonight If I die tonight I won't die tonight! Phone rings, help is on the other side There are scars on my hands, from the scratches and bites All the pain is numbed, as my brain keeps on screaming Can't express the pain, so I do it through bleeding When the scars turn to scabs, will I pick at my wounds Or will I open them again with a pain I cannot choose Today I woke up and chose my taste of pain Whether the barcode scars or acidic taste of drinking the rain All the bruises that I hide, either through clothes or through pride So don't forget me if I die, if I die tonight If I die tonight If I die tonight I won't die tonight! "Choose violence, that is your agenda today" "And if you don't choose there's a painful price for you to pay" "So choose violence, you know it's the easy way out" "Until you listen to yourself, you will never have a doubt"

Close your eyes tight, are you seeing what you're seeing Don't doubt the mind that bends reality There are dancing lights, in the looming shadows In the corners of your eyes, see what you have become Break apart now, there is a discord in your brain Can you truly trust your eyes in this insanity disco Now dance! I can't see Whats real in front of me and I can't sleep These nightmares haunt my daydreams When I go Will I see shadows on the Night I die I will never be the Same in mind I am Sane in mind There is No one there I am I am I am And once I dreamed I was crazy, it was the thought that never left me Nightmares pale before this new life that I have to call my own When I finally go insane, please don't trust who I became Just do what you know's humane and pull the plug on me I can't see Whats real in front of me and I can't sleep These nightmares haunt my daydreams When I go Will I see shadows on the Night I die I will never be the Same in mind I am Sane in mind There is No one there I am I am I am And I'm quite fine like this, you know I actually might enjoy it There's a limit one can take and I have broken it With a nightmarish life, in this feverish world Cast a hook and you'll see all of what has broken me I can't see Whats real in front of me and I can't sleep These nightmares haunt my daydreams When I go Will I see shadows on the Night I die I will never be the Same in mind I am Sane in mind There is No one there I am I am I am sane

How many times have I lied to myself How many wishes and nightmares have I kept on the shelf From the toys that they gave me, barbie dolls and the like And the secrets hidden in the medicine I take to sleep at night HRT, I wish that were me, the bold men and women on the streets They almost look like me They almost look like me Shattered glass reflects all the flaws that I am Dysphoria kills whatever dreams that I knew that I had Is it the lack of power, or the confidence in me When I close my eyes, all I see is what I've been Just a boy in a girls body, there's nothing to see I am dreaming of change, yet I think I cannot be Anything but what the mirror reflects back at me Yet this body screams it isn't me, isn't me, isn't me I was born in the wrong body, sick in the mind With a different voice, and a different life Had I been honest I wouldn't want to be alive In this vessel that won't represent how I feel inside Should I change? I'm not who they expect me to be In this world of binary I was expected to be me But I have yet to be me I have yet to be me Shattered glass reflects all the flaws that I am Dysphoria kills whatever dreams that I knew that I had Is it the lack of power, or the confidence in me When I close my eyes, all I see is what I've been Just a boy in a girls body, there's nothing to see I am dreaming of change, yet I think I cannot be Anything but what the mirror reflects back at me Yet this body screams it isn't me, isn't me, isn't me Dear Dysphoriac, I accept who I am Irregardless of the fact I am choosing to change I respect my roots, I respect who I've been But the life that lays before me will be something new And I am still afraid, I know I may not be accepted But when push comes to shove, I will know who I am And this is who I am This is who I am I am coming out